Country star Ella Langley is breaking records with her hit song “Choosin’ Texas,” which has now topped the Billboard Hot 100 for 20 weeks. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the artist.
Nepotism Connection: Child of God
Honors And Accolades: CMA Award For Female Vocalist Of The Year—Brunette Division
Greatest Achievement: Endured nearly four minutes in a vocal booth with Morgan Wallen
Signature Look: Alt-baiting
Meaning Behind Her Music: Trivia night’s over, and the bar’s singles mixer is starting
Country Bona Fides: Friends with multiple cows
Special Abilities: Bangs render her immune to psychic attacks
Politics: What about them?
Person Standing Outside Her House At 3 A.M.: Taylor Swift
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